you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
