We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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