hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
