just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
