My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
