Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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