So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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