how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
