Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
