So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
