'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
