my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
