Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
