yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
