How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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