He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
