they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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