wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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