I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The adults are the big ones right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
