Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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