im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
