I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
