I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
