Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
