Your tits are I can't wait for
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
