I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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