he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The feeling are messing with the penis
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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