I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
