TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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