It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
