69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
