is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
