Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
