you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
