And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
