I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
