You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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