Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
