ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
