There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
