remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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