I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
