Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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