hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
