her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
