I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
are you so shy because you have an std?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
