the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
