Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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