bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
