They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Are we still banned from the library?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
