woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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