OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
