what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
