Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
