I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
