There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
